Heroes Welcomed Home By Cheering Ad Agencies

BRITAIN'S Olympic superstars were welcomed back to Heathrow yesterday by thousands of ecstatic advertising executives. 

Kelly Sotherton: What a waste

Hordes of eager ad men, bursting with greed, flocked to the airport hoping to catch a glimpse of their new meal-ticket.

Julian Cook, creative director at Madeley-Finnegan, said he was keen to secure one from the running and jumping sports, but would accept a vehicle-based hero if they were sufficiently attractive.

He said: "Normally two golds in the pool would be good enough for a shower gel ad. Lots of lather, a bit of side-breast. A hint of nipple.

"Unfortuntalely Rebecca Adlington is a bit hefty on the nose front for anything too erotic. But we might just squeeze her into a Dove 'real beauty' slot with all those big boned girls. 

"We'll definitely get her a breakfast cereal – I see her munching Oatibix – and of course she'll have her pick of the fanny pads."

He added: "Chris Hoy's not going to shift a lot of lager, but does have 'gay icon' stamped all over his rock-hard bumcakes.

"We'll put him in H&M Y-fronts, smother him in Jean-Paul Gaultier shaving balms and soak his bald chest in gallons of Diet Fanta."

Wayne Hayes, an account executive at Corbett and Barker, said: "Overall, it's been a disappointing games for us. Kelly Sotherton is sexually attractive for an athlete, but unfortunately she was rubbish.

"Sailors stop being famous the very second they come back from the Olympics, and exactly what am I supposed to do with Christine Ohoruogu? She looks like Frank Bruno's little brother."