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JOHN TERRY HAD SEX WITH AN OCTOPUS |
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01-02-10 |
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JOHN Terry's future as England captain was on a knife-edge last night after it emerged he had sex with a 12-foot octopus.
 Terry broke at least two of its three hearts
According to friends of the millionaire footballer the sex happened when Terry and two of his Chelsea team-mates took part in an all-day drinking session at the Sea Life Centre in Great Yarmouth.
One source said: "By two in the afternoon John was getting aggressive and saying he wanted to fight an electric eel, but then he changed his mind and decided to urinate into a child's face instead.
"The other lads picked out this little seven year-old and were holding its arms, when John suddenly spotted the octopus and got that familiar look in his eye.
"He bought two glasses of Cristal, poured one into the tank and then pressed his face up against the glass, shouting 'you probably recognise me'.
"Then he jumped into the tank, took its leg-arm thing and led it into the corner behind the plastic coral reef where he had sex with it twice. I don't even know if it's a male or a female and, I suspect, neither does he."
The source added: "Should he resign? I'm not sure. On the one hand he is quite good at shouting while he's playing football, but on the other hand he may have had gay sex with a drunken octopus."
Meanwhile a survey of English boys aged between six and 14 has revealed that more than 80% now want to cheat on their wives with the long-term octopus of a close friend or team-mate, but only if they can then pay for it to have an abortion.
A spokesman for the Professional Sportsman's Association said: "John needs to consider his position very carefully because it is hugely important who captains the England football team."
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