Liverpool fans swell to eight times their normal size

LIVERPOOL fans have grown up to eight times their normal size after a derby win against Everton. 

The fans began puffing out a week ago after the team’s Europa League win against Borussia Dortmund, and are approaching maximum inflation after last night’s four-goal victory. 

Football blogger Stephen Malley said: “A toxic combination of insularity and idolatry has given Liverpool fans the unfortunate tendency to swell with pride given even the slightest stimulus. 

“Three wins against low-ranked opponents in a week means that even in London just two Liverpool fans can fill a tube carriage, swivelling their faces left and right to make eye contact, huge arms pointing to the Standard Chartered logo on their chests. 

“On Merseyside itself, all roads have been closed to accommodate their massive forms and their persistent, piping cries of ‘Class!’ and ‘Boss!’ echo across the traffic-denuded streets. 

“Be patient, let nature take its course, and a few losses later they’ll be back to their normal, bedraggled selves.” 

He added: “But for the meantime avoid approaching them with anything piercing, like Gerrard slipping on his arse two years ago. Otherwise they’ll blow and oh God, the mess.”