London Unveils Olympic Sniper's Nest
TURNER prize-winning artist Anish Kapoor has designed the world's largest sniper's nest for the 2012 London Olympics.
The Stratford tower will be shaped like a lower intestine and hold up to 350 heavily-armed maniacs from every corner of the globe.
A restaurant built into the structure will ensure that anyone planning a lengthy siege will be amply catered for with Michelin-standard cuisine and five star service.
Kapoor said: "I wanted to create something that would inhabit the space rather than define it while at the same time giving disaffected loners a fantastic array of kill shots."
London mayor Boris Johnson added: "I love it, it's just like being given the Meccano set I asked for when I was eight, instead of the signed photo of Alec Douglas-Home and the new pair of sodomy trousers that I actually got."
Alternative structures were considered by Johnson, including a 'Mugger Of The South' by Antony Gormley – a 300-foot steel and copper depiction of a skunked-up teenager knifing somebody in the kidneys for their iPhone.
Other designs included Banksy's policeman wearing a clown mask, which critics said was a 'wry comment about something, possibly capitalism' while former prime minister Tony Blair suggested another dome.
Johnson insisted the tower will help the UK team garner a record haul of medals as it will be the perfect vantage point for picking off better and more successful athletes from Jamaica and the United States.
Wayne Hayes, a recently-sacked postman from Ilford, said: "My burning hatred of all humanity has only just begun, but by 2012 I estimate I will have some particularly lucid theories about why the blacks and the Jews got me fired for stealing birthday cards."
He added: "This is my gun. She's called Cheryl."