Manchester definitely better than north London at one thing

MANCHESTER is better than north London at one thing and one thing only, it has been confirmed.

Distracting? Yes, but magnificently so

Hard, gritty teams from Manchester proved emphatically that their over-paid employees are better than the over-paid employees of north London teams who probably spend all day reading the New Statesman and perusing dainty French pastries in some Islington ponce-hole.

The gritty, hard men showed the north London fancy knickers that when it comes to this particular thing they need to put down their Camden ‘what’s on’ guides and start acting like the fathers of the men who played for one of their teams in the 1930s.

Alf, a Manchestershireman, said: “It’s grand to see 22 young Cheshire-based-for-safety-reasons men showing these tomato-eating London poets how you’re supposed to earn your hundred thousand pound a week.

“Our dad, God rest his battered but defiant soul, would be proud as peas to see our lads giving them magazine-reading social history post-graduates a lesson in how to assemble a team using nothing but the sweat and toil of their noble chequebooks.”

Meanwhile north London poets, philosophers and dilettantes said Manchester could soon become better at everything if only that was not ridiculously impossible.

Jasper, a north Londerisian, added: “Oh how I wish grandpapa had worked in a big, smelly mill for two shillings a month and only the sabbath day to rest his weary, soot-blackened limbs.

“But at least we can seek some comfort in magazines, antique shops and lovely, lovely trees.

“Would you like a smidgen of my hand-pumped eclair?”