Money apparently involved in football

PREMIER League football is in some way linked with lots of money, internet sleuths have claimed.

This, on the other hand, is art

After Manchester City pipped Manchester United to the Premier League title in a climax more dramatic than a Shakespearean porn film, thousands of proudly sport­-illiterate keyboard owners started angrily noticing that both clubs handle an awful lot of cash.

Sportologist Tom Logan said: “So if I’m reading this correctly, City and United have both invested their own money in a way they saw best for their business interests? Why has this startlingly clever revelation only just occurred?

“Perhaps these people could use their laser­-guided insight to study whether neighbouring countries vote for each other in Eurovision or politicians sometimes lie?”

The internet’s legion of happiness-vacuums are now calling for all sport to be run on a purely non­-profit basis and be played just for the joy of it, like crown-green bowls or badger­-baiting.

Tom Logan said: “They argue that because professional football is typically played by the kind of people who used to chuck their PE kit onto the roof of the science block, it should not be allowed to have the same operating budget as the superhero film industry.”

IT expert and multiple internet forum moderator Wayne Hayes, aka ‘Sheeple69’, said “The difference between a work of art like Avengers Assemble and watching Manchester City is that the film is about a group of physically enhanced people and one unstable beast with varying levels of loyalty battling to overcome a seemingly-­unstoppable foe.

“Shut up, it’s just better than football, okay?”