Multi-billion pound outdoor pastime still struggling with liquid

13-06-11

FORMULA 1 bosses have been urged to make their multi-million pound cars slightly more adaptable than a 10-year-old Nissan Micra.

Swept through without incident by a 51-reg Micra

As Jenson Button pointed the remains of his car over the finish line before anybody else in the Canadian Grand Prix, many viewers wondered how several billion pounds worth of design had struggled so much to cope with the average road conditions of Manchester in July.

Ferrari boss Stefano Domenicali said: “While I realise that our racing cars might not have a decent cup holder due to weight considerations, I would hope that after spending the GDP of Burkina Fasso they might be able to turn the odd corner when there’s enough water on the road to drown a millipede without hurtling themselves over a crash barrier or just bursting into flames.

“In fact, by now I’d really expect them to generate their own microclimate which not only dried the track around them but also encouraged the driver to change into his shorts by the time he’s finished the race.”

Footage from yesterday’s race is already being pored over by Hollywood producers who believe it could be invaluable in their upcoming reboot of Harold Lloyd and the Keystone Cops Go Ice Skating.

F1ologist Wayne Hayes said: “It’s difficult to hear over the sound of the engines and Lewis Hamilton voicing his opinion of Button, but in the background you can actually hear the cars generating the noise of swanee whistles and trombones.

“While all eyes were on Button’s dramatic not-suddenly-forgetting-how-to-drive-like-Vettel-did, at the back of the race you can clearly see the last car crossing the finishing line with 37 old-fashioned policemen clinging to the sides of it.”

 

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