Nigerian Hell-Hole Safer Than Parkhead, Say Commonwealth Games Organisers

THE Commonwealth Games committee has given an early boost the Nigerian city of Abuja in its contest with Glasgow to host the 2012 event.

Officials say poverty stricken Abuja, with its poor sanitation and life expectancy of 23, is "significantly safer and more pleasant" than the Parkhead and Dalmarnock areas central to the Glasgow bid.

Committee member Denys Hatton said: "As I walked round the streets of Abuja I had the strong sense of a brave, resilient community overcoming adversity and seeking a brighter tomorrow.

"As I walked round the streets of Parkhead someone threatened to drug me and sell my kidneys."

A Glasgow city council spokesman said: "It's a shame that Mr Hatton has taken this threat to his kidneys so seriously.

"He's obviously suffered a sense of humour failure. Perhaps we should all club together and buy him a humour dialysis machine."