Ridiculing Arsenal to become a hate crime

ARSENAL are to be granted legal protection from the relentless taunts of opposing fans, it has been confirmed.

Defeat once again blamed on the wrong type of corner flag

Publicly enjoying Arsenal’s embarrassment will now be classed as a hate crime after Arsene Wenger’s side were beaten 4-3 by a Blackburn team whose last victory was during the Crimean War.

Blackburn fan Wayne Hayes said: “Watching the match was like watching somebody kicking a child’s wheelchair down the steps of the Eiffel Tower for 90 minutes, only far less entertaining than that actually sounds.

“Imagine a fat, middle-aged bloke like me pulling Lindsay Lohan. It would be impossible to enjoy the experience as I’d be unable to ignore the depths to which she had sunk.”

The FA has agreed to extend the scope of their Let’s Kick Racism Out Of Football campaign to include a Can Everyone Please Stop Pointing At Koscielny And Giggling section.

Ex footballers will also tour schools to promote a more tolerant attitude toward the team and explain that playing for Arsenal could happen to anybody.

An FA spokesman said: “On the face of it, it’s easy to laugh at Wenger’s crestfallen incomprehension and his magisterial inability to shoulder any of the blame, to titter about the team’s complete absence of backbone and to guffaw at the gulf between them and the top teams they used to compete against.

“Sorry, where was I going with this?”