Roy Hodgson made honorary dominatrix

ROY Hodgson has been honoured by the Chartered Institute of Dominatrixes for his work in the field of humiliation. 

The former England manager and face of Co-operative Funeral Planning was given accreditation for his “imaginative, cruel and degrading” punishment of England fans over the last four years.

Spokeswoman Helen Archer said: “A good domme takes the client on a journey through pain and even pleasure to the final crushing reality that they were no better than a lowly worm all along.

“Roy could have piled on the pain straight away at Euro 2012 but instead offered jaded England fans just enough positivity to spark a flame of optimism.

“His solid qualifying records kindled fires of real hope, until the crushing loss against Iceland plunged fans back into self-loathing. Exquisite.”

Hodgson said: “It is a great honour, obviously I’m a career masochist. Why else would I have taken the job?”