Roy Hodgson made honorary dominatrix

29-06-16

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ROY Hodgson has been honoured by the Chartered Institute of Dominatrixes for his work in the field of humiliation. 

The former England manager and face of Co-operative Funeral Planning was given accreditation for his “imaginative, cruel and degrading” punishment of England fans over the last four years.

Spokeswoman Helen Archer said: “A good domme takes the client on a journey through pain and even pleasure to the final crushing reality that they were no better than a lowly worm all along.

“Roy could have piled on the pain straight away at Euro 2012 but instead offered jaded England fans just enough positivity to spark a flame of optimism.

“His solid qualifying records kindled fires of real hope, until the crushing loss against Iceland plunged fans back into self-loathing. Exquisite.”

Hodgson said: “It is a great honour, obviously I’m a career masochist. Why else would I have taken the job?”

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