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SKY SPORTS PROMISES DECADE OF RELENTLESSLY OVERHYPED BULLSHIT |
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04-01-10 |
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BROADCASTER Sky TV last night outlined its plans to be the number one provider of inexplicable sporting hyperbole well into the next decade.
 The Ulvaeus Cup, round two - Malmo versus Norrköping: This time it is being personal
New subscribers, signing up to a 12 month contract in 2010, will get the chance to share their living room with a high definition, three dimensional image of Richard Keys barking out semi-professional darts scores 24 hours a day.
Enhanced packages can also offer a piggy back from an inflatable Chris Kamara as he narrates your life with breathless enthusiasm.
Football fan Roy Hobbs said: "I've supported Ipswich all my life and haven't missed a home game for over 10 years so I'm a bit of a sports nut, but to be honest their continuity announcers are starting to scare the shit out of me.
"I swear one of them threatened to beat me to death with Phil Thomson if I didn't listen to him reading out the final running order of the 3:30 at Uttoxeter."
Meanwhile the latest trailers for the channel have been reported to the advertising watchdog after implying that anyone who couldn't name the top six rugby Premier League sides would probably die of AIDS in the next two weeks due to a lack of Sky Sports News 2.
A Sky spokesman said: "ENGLAND... AUSTRALIA... MANCHESTER UNITED... MACCLESFIELD TOWN... THE RYDER CUP... CHELSEA TAKE ON HARLEQUINS AT THE EUROPEAN UNDER-14 BADMINTON CHAMPIONSHIPS, LIVE FROM ANTWERP..."
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