Spurs deny ability to field weakened side

SPURS boss Harry Redknapp has defended his team selection against Rubik Tonka, claiming his side are uniformly mediocre.

Redknapp will not be able to attend the match due to golfing commitments

As Spurs face the first of several thousand games on the road to Europa League not-glory, their first team has had to be confirmed as actual Tottenham players by using their dental records.

Kyle Walker is the only player in the line-up from their previous match against Wolves to start, but this is mainly due to the fact the player has offered to drive the coach to and from the airport.

Redknapp said: “It’s ridiculous to suggest that a team without Adebayor meandering through the gift shop during the match or Van Der Vart laying in a small pile of limbs in the centre circle is somehow weaker.

“I base my selection on whichever players have impressed me in training, if we can take ‘impressed’ as meaning ‘not made me want to clear my desk and piss off home for good’. I have a very limited squad to choose from, despite having bought about 4,000 players.”

He also justified the changes on an injury crisis at the club that has persisted for so long many fans believe the physio room at White Hart Lane may be located on the site of an Indian burial ground.

Other reasons included a full rendition of Billie’s 1998 hit Because We Want To and not having acquired the necessary Home Office permits to transport a Gareth Bale overseas.

But Redknapp insisted: “Ultimately whichever players I pick have decided that Spurs are about as good as they can hope to achieve, which shows you what I’m working with here.”