Vettel Celebrates By Fingering Girl In Car Park
SEBASTIAN Vettel marked becoming the youngest F1 champion ever by embarking on a marathon knucklefish session behind KFC.
It's his favourite place for both dinner and fingering
The German car-pointer has vowed to use his prize money to pay child maintenance to all of his 13 babymothers, as well as buying some bass bins the size of tumble dryers.
Follwing his victory in Abu Dhabi, he said: “When they gave me the champagne after the race I was all like ‘ain’t you got no WKD Blue, blud?’ and the guy was looking at me proper vexious, y’get me?
“Anyway, he gives me this massive trophy and I’m thinking ‘this is gonna get well loads down Cash Converters’.”
The Red Bull driver’s season started badly as he finished last in the opening three races after trying to impress a group of pit-lane models by doing a seemingly endless number of 360-degree handbrake turns on the starting grid.
Ferrari lodged a complaint about Vettel in July, claiming he had stolen one of their cars after it was found burnt-out in a multi-story carpark next to graffiti reading ‘Alonso is proper gay 100% true’.
He said: “It’s been a bare mental day but now I’m gonna relax with a Zinger meal, some slow NDubz jams and the gusset of some Donna I picked up outside the shopping arcade.”
