Wales expands seething resentment empire

IRELAND and France can look forward to a thousand years of being despised by vengeful dwarves.

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Following Alain Rolland’s decision to send off Sam Warburton for assaulting an opponent in a slightly different way, the eight Welsh people in the world with access to a television hastily researched Rolland’s ancestry and called a meeting of the country’s elders in the Big Hut.

It was agreed the two countries would now be added to the roster of responsibility for a selection of the country’s shortcomings for the next 500 generations. Early blame favourites include the weather and Cerys Matthews.

Walesperson Martin Bishop, said: “It’s the first time we’ve added a new set of demons since the Cornish stole the secret of fire from us in 1963.”

Early suggestions for the Irish have been ‘potatobastards’, as in ‘you’ll never believe who’s moved in to the valley next door – only a family of potatobastards’.

French-based insult suggestions are currently mired in cheese.

Meanwhile Bishop has assured the English that Wales’ unwavering hatred for them will remain in place but admitted that levels of glowering and mumbling in tongues may be affected in the Hereford region.

The Welsh will initially struggle to provide adequate numbers to get around to hating everybody as they  find it difficult to mate and may have to draft in people from New Zealand to cover during peak periods.

Bishop added: “We’ve already sent a delegation over to Dublin to daub something incomprehensible on the wall of a cottage and if there’s anything left in petty cash we may able to set fire to something in Dieppe.

“Exciting times.”