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WIGAN CHAIRMAN INSTALLS SHARK TANK |
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23-11-09 |
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THE chairman of Wigan Athletic is to install a tank full of sharks under the home dressing room in a bid to sharpen his squad's competitive instincts.
 Bill Shankly swore by his shark tank
Whelan said: "When you're paying out more than £1m a week in wages to a group of supposedly well-trained professionals it is reasonable to expect those professionals not to lose nine fucking one.
"To that end, I'll be fitting car bombs to their Aston Martins, hiring Ninjas to lurk in the dark corners of their mock-Tudor mansions and each training session will end with the re-enactment of one of my favourite scenes from The Deer Hunter. Didi mao anyone?
"And to all those who say 'oh come on Dave, they tried their best' I would simply reply 'Tottenham Hotspur'.
"If it had been Man United or Chelsea then I'd have probably gone for a tank full of electric eels - a nasty shock, but nothing fatal. But I'm afraid losing 9-1 to Spurs means that someone has to die."
He added: "While you're here, meet Brian, our new assistant manager. He's a four-year-old male leopard with anger management issues, an empty stomach and electrodes stapled to his knackers.
"I dare you to let him down."
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