CHIEF Daily Mail space creature Paul Dacre has mind-merged with his martian leader to report that Earth is almost ready for invasion.
AMERICA'S withdrawal from Iraq will be marked by a special civil war as soon as the last helicopter leaves.
A 26 YEAR-old man has been accused of plotting to blow up parliament using toy racing cars.
PEOPLE like your crazy neighbour with all the replica weapons are to be
allowed into the army as part of a cost-cutting initiative, it has
AYMAN al-Zawahiri was last night named as the leader of the three guys
sitting in his living room that everyone has agreed to call 'Al Qaeda'.
HOME Secretary Theresa May has asked GPs to check if any of their patients look like they might blow up soon.
CHRIST the Saviour has told the Archbishop of Canterbury to stop being such a pansy.
MILLIONS of people across the world have been denied the chance to use up the best part of their morning staring at the gloopy contents of Osama Bin Laden's ruptured head.