Arlene Foster is DOCTOR DOOM Like Doom, Foster’s face is covered by an emotionless metal mask and she rules her little-understood nation with an iron hand and sorcery. Will betray anyone who makes a deal with her.
EVERYONE likes to throw a sickie but how can you do it without getting caught? Let's take a look...
A WOMAN'S life is still a lot of crap despite affirmations and visualisation, it has been confirmed.
REVIEWERS of David Cameron’s new memoir For The Record have confirmed that its index has no entry for the word ‘pig’.
A 31-YEAR-OLD man is about to try and fail to use his friend’s puzzling shower system, it has been confirmed.
CRUCIAL information about a train’s running status has been delivered over a speaker that nobody can hear or understand.
BORIS Johnson's hulk metaphor has been welcomed by Brexit supporters who are not stupid and knew exactly what they were voting for.
DAVID Cameron’s memoir has left the nation reeling with the revelation that Boris Johnson and Michael Gove are a pair of twats.
FINALLY wrangled yourself some time alone? Follow our handy guide to wasting it and then feeling like right f*cking idiot afterwards.
A MAN has grown a twirly handlebar moustache to rule himself out of the gene pool.
FORMER prime minister David Cameron sleeps in a crypt which contains no reflective surfaces or timepieces.
A WOMAN with no understanding of mental disorders has taken to describing anyone different to her as being ‘on the spectrum’.
THE Carry On series of films has been exposed as sexist, homophobic, racially insensitive and frankly outdated in every way.
THE Operation Yellowhammer no-deal contingency plan will affect Britons differently according to their referendum vote. Here’s how.
COULROPHOBIA, or the fear of clowns, has been reclassified from an anxiety disorder to a perfectly reasonable response to modern life.
DO you need to write a scathing online opinion piece about popular TV shows in a desperate bid for clicks? Here are five easy targets.
NORTHERNERS are now allowing their tea to brew for almost five minutes longer than their southern counterparts, it has emerged.
A WOMAN who regularly stalks her exes on Facebook has insisted she is 'just keeping in touch'.
FIREMAN Sam has been fired for not being inclusive, and being Welsh besides. And he’s far from the only problematic children’s character:
HAIRY all over? Here’s how to groom it and maximise your sinister allure to men and women alike.