SIX weeks is longer than you get off in a year, but for anyone aged between four and 16 it’s just summer. Here’s how to keep them busy.
A PRIMARY school teacher has quit her job and plans to retire on the proceeds of the gifts she has received from thankful parents.
A COUPLE’S pet dog is lying at their feet and deciding which of them he would kill and eat if he had absolutely no option.
DO you fancy being being popular down the pub by spouting idiotic crowd-pleasing opinions? Here are some great ones to try.
SOMETIMES it’s hard to tell if you’re the sort of whiny Remoaner that Brexiters hate or you if just prefer logic and stability over years of unnecessary horsesh*t. Take our test and find out.
EXERCISE is great for your mental wellbeing because you can hide from your family and your problems in a cowardly way. Here are the best sports for avoiding real life.
A DOG owner is satisfied with the job she did of picking up 70 percent of a sh*t and leaving a good-sized chunk on the pavement.
THE House of Commons has voted to give Boris Johnson a solid boot in the stones before he even starts.
A DRIVER is committed to reaching a car park ticket machine without leaving his car or opening the door, no matter the cost.
BEING Northern isn’t a geographical thing - it’s a state of mind. Whether you live in Sheffield, Shelby or Skipton, here’s how not to be a soft Southern ponce.
A TEENAGER has committed a terrible faux pas by forgetting to include the word ‘legit’ in a text message.
AFTER Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol was somehow named as the most-played song this century, here are some others that will make you want to cut off your ears and burn them.
A MAN has asked his daughter, who has been a vegetarian since she was 15 and is now 30, if she is “still not eating meat”.
DRIVERS who have had their licences for 50 years or more are only to be allowed to drive between the hours of 11pm and 6am.
DO you want to use less plastic while making sure everyone knows what a thoughtful, eco-conscious and incredibly smug person you are? Here’s how.
A 32-YEAR-OLD man has spent the last three hours trapped inside a pair of super-skinny jeans in a changing room.
IT’S traditional for school reunions to only be attended by people you didn’t like. So which t*ssers from the past can you expect to see?
A WOMAN has fallen head-over-heels in love with the driver of a hot hatchback who revved his car at traffic lights.
THE gimp-suited prowler of Somerset’s identity remains a mystery but, let’s face it, he or she will be a Conservative MP. But which?
CLIMATE activists trying to paralyse cities by blocking roads and causing traffic jams could learn a lot from Ocado delivery drivers, it has emerged.