A WOMAN taking her boyfriend for a break-up dinner cannot decide which restaurant she will never visit again.
MIDDLE-AGED? Do you sometimes notice that life is less weird than when you were growing up? What happened to these things?
THE UK is slowly waking up to the fact that, in the face of an oncoming world catastrophe, it has chosen to put a d*ckhead in charge.
EVER included the phrase ‘as per my previous email’ to suggest the person you’re writing to is as thick as mince?
CHLORINATED chicken has protested at its demonising by the UK media, insisting there is no shame in being clean.
TORY MP James Grundy has apologised for exposing his penis in the Ram’s Head pub in Lowton in 2007, but when is the right time to whip out the chinos cobra?
THE third date is the best moment to make a relationship physical and to unveil your collection of human skulls, experts believe.
A WOMAN has made her mornings more streamlined and productive by snorting a fat line off the mirror.
BLUE passports are back, we’re a sovereign nation again and it’s time to celebrate a patriotic post-Brexit pancake day with British toppings.
NO serious person, whatever their politics, could ever doubt that the BBC is unfailingly impartial. Jane Hill unbiasedly explains why £154.50pa is a bargain.
HOLLYWOOD has pronounced itself free of all abuses of power after the only man who ever abused his power was jailed.
THE coronavirus pandemic is imminent, but anyone who’s seen any movie or TV show about surviving deadly infections will be fine.
A TODDLER became so distressed about lumps in the socks she was expected to wear that she is in therapy.
MI5 insiders have admitted withholding information from home secretary Priti Patel. What aren’t they telling her?
OFFICE romances impact everyone in the workplace. How can you make yours especially awkward for your co-workers?
THE Queen has informed the Duke of Sussex that Royals the king-sized cigarettes are more royal than he and his tart will ever be.
A MAN attempting to host a playdate without being aware of its highly complex social nuances has predictably f**ked it right up.
A MAN pointing out that you can have pancakes whenever you want only eats them on pancake day.
A NEW study has found that the key to social, financial and romantic success is being able to function while horrendously hungover.
ON occasion women’s clothing comes with pockets, and some of them are real. Here’s six things they can store.