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Six knobheads that will never reply to your message

ARE you a grump for suspecting your message will be ignored as you press ‘send’? No, because you’re contacting one of these feckless bastards.

King lays groundwork for scabbing a tenner

THE King’s call for kindness is a pretext for asking everyone to lend him ten pounds, it has emerged.

Thames Water also full of shit

THAMES Water is just as full as shit as the river it is named after and is responsible for pumping human excrement into, analysts have advised.

John Lennon, and other celebrities who would be nightmare boomers if they were alive today

CAN you imagine the famously gobby John Lennon if he had been let loose on Twitter? Here are more dead celebs who would have trashed their legacy by now if they were still with us.

'Suck it till your hymen pops': Subtle clues that P Diddy had unsavoury views toward women

SEAN ‘Diddy’ Combs is facing serious accusations including holding 'sex-trafficking parties'. But was there already reason to suspect he might not be a staunch defender of women?

We ask you: how are you celebrating raw sewage spills doubling in a year?

BRITAIN’S water companies have spilled record amounts of raw sewage into our rivers and seas, proving the doubters wrong. How are you thanking them?

​​Man unsure if he had nice evening or was just drunk

A MAN is unsure whether he had a great time last night or if he was just pissed, it has emerged.