the dailymash

Meghan Markle's jam 'extruded from strange orifice in her neck'

All camel's eyes and sheep's bollocks: The gammon food critic goes Moroccan

I'VE never had much time for the Arabs. Wasting their time racing camels, living in tents in terrorist training camps in the desert and dicking around with magic lamps.

Being in a band, and other things that cease to be cool in your 30s

CERTAIN things are the height of cool when you’re in your teens and 20s. But once you hit 30, they quickly become deeply, deeply tragic. Including these.

Can you guess the Tory MP by their blackmail sex scandal? A fun game for families

EVERYONE loves Conservative MPs and their propensity to stumble into hilarious sex outrages. Gather the family around and match the backbencher to their scandal!

Sean Lennon and James McCartney, and other nepo babies you're delighted to see fail

THE children of two of The Beatles have released a terrible, insipid single together. Which other nepo-babies are busily ruining their parents’ good names?

A man's guide to reacting to criticism of Sydney Sweeney as if she's your girlfriend

A HOLLYWOOD producer has claimed Sydney Sweeney is ‘not pretty and can’t act’. This is obviously a disgusting lie, so here’s how to react like a besotted male.

Inflation plummets if your diet is 90 per cent meat

We ask you: will you go in the shop and buy a 34-year-old cigarettes in two decades' time?

OUTSIDE the newsagent in the year 2044 lurk two men in their early thirties. They hold up a £40 note and ask you to get them a packet of Silk Cut. Will you?