Animals Headlines

Man realises he is girlfriend’s cat’s butler

A MAN has come to realise that his main role in life is to serve his girlfriend’s cat.

Cat to lose its shit for 30 seconds then act like nothing happened

A CAT has unveiled plans to totally lose its shit for about 30 seconds before calming down immediately.

Dog feeling insecure after being dressed in little jacket

A DOG that has been dressed in a quilted jacket is out in the park feeling really unsure of himself.

Killer whale learns to say ‘twats’

A KILLER whale at a marine park in France has learned to tell humans they are twats in English.

PETA tells Cadbury to free Creme Egg-laying chickens

ANIMAL rights group PETA has accused Cadbury of cruelty towards the chickens who lay Creme Eggs.

Ten years on, devoted dog still searching for missing testicles

A DOG is still clinging to the hope that one day he will be reunited with his missing testicles, 10 years after they disappeared.  

Dogs now acting like fireworks not a big deal

DOGS are now acting as if fireworks are nothing to worry about.

Family pet did not sign up for this 'guard dog' shit

A LABRADOR was shocked to discover he is expected to be a professional security guard as well as a lovable family pet.

Seagull admits man isn't paranoid, it really is stalking him

A MAN whose friends claim he is paranoid about being stalked by a seagull is not remotely paranoid, the seagull has admitted.

Larry the Cat named best inhabitant of Number 10 in 21st Century

LARRY the Cat is the only inhabitant of Downing Street to have done a good job this century, it has been confirmed.

Middle-aged hamster buys expensive new wheel

A MIDDLE-aged hamster has bought a top of the range wheel loaded with optional extras.

All cats are Thatcherites, confirm experts

EVERY cat is a right-wing Conservative, scientists have discovered.