DOGS are confused about why humans are so into their turds, it has emerged.
A MAN has come to realise that his main role in life is to serve his girlfriend’s cat.
A CAT has unveiled plans to totally lose its shit for about 30 seconds before calming down immediately.
A DOG that has been dressed in a quilted jacket is out in the park feeling really unsure of himself.
A KILLER whale at a marine park in France has learned to tell humans they are twats in English.
ANIMAL rights group PETA has accused Cadbury of cruelty towards the chickens who lay Creme Eggs.
A DOG is still clinging to the hope that one day he will be reunited with his missing testicles, 10 years after they disappeared.
DOGS are now acting as if fireworks are nothing to worry about.
A LABRADOR was shocked to discover he is expected to be a professional security guard as well as a lovable family pet.
A MAN whose friends claim he is paranoid about being stalked by a seagull is not remotely paranoid, the seagull has admitted.
LARRY the Cat is the only inhabitant of Downing Street to have done a good job this century, it has been confirmed.
A MIDDLE-aged hamster has bought a top of the range wheel loaded with optional extras.