Animals Headlines

Scientist Devoured By Eat-As-Much-As-You-Like Mouse

THE scientist who invented a mouse that could eat as much as it liked without getting fat has been found dead in his laboratory with his body covered in tiny teeth marks. 

Hands Up Who Hasn't Shagged This Camel

A BEAUTIFUL camel who also claims to be a part-time model is really just a dirty skank who is mad for cock, one of her ex-boyfriends revealed last night. 

Ant Colonies Just Like 'Dallas', Say Experts

ANT colonies are not harmoniously run communes but large sprawling ranches in Texas rife with infighting and extra-marital affairs, new research reveals.

Gladiators A Big Hit With Monkey Test Audience

THE new series of Gladiators has been given the green light after Britain's captive monkey population gave it a non-opposable thumbs-up.

Army To Stop Firing Goats Into Walls

THE British Army is to phase out the practice of firing goats into walls, the Ministry of Defence announced last night. 

'What The F*ck Is Wrong With That Gerbil?' Ask Zoologists

A NEW species of mammal, described as a 'weird-looking gerbily thing with a massive conk', has been discovered in the mountains of Tanzania.

'Look at the size of this f**king rat' say zoologists

A NEW species of giant rat has been discovered in a remote region of New Guinea by a team of totally freaked-out zoologists.

Dog has shit

WORKERS at a Tesco superstore watched yesterday as a dog had a huge shit in the middle of their car park.