Ask Holly: ‘I had to kick the cat to make myself feel better’

Dear Holly,
As there is a general election on the horizon I have attempted to do some nice things with numbers for a change and have been using my powers for good not evil. But I have been left heartily disappointed by the lack of fulfilment I received from this and had to kick the cat to make myself feel better. Why am I hollow inside?
George Osborne,
Westminster

Dear George,
No-one ever had fun doing maths. The only people who enjoy maths who aren’t on the autism spectrum are maths teachers, and I’ve never met a maths teacher who didn’t have some form of personality disorder. Anyone who thinks triangles are interesting to the point of obsession and keeps asking you complex questions about train journeys but never actually goes anywhere should be reported.
Hope that helps!
Holly