Agony Aunt

I wished for an endless supply of Walkers crisps

I’m afraid your deal wasn’t with a genie, but with the Devil.

Should I get a swastika tattooed on my face?

I'm supposed to be the biggest badass in One Direction.

The most powerful wedgie ever performed

Face the situation head on rather than spend the rest of the school year hiding in the PE cupboard at playtime.

Should I scissor-kick my brother-in-law in the face?

Eventually the red mist will clear and you’ll be able to express your anger through the medium of Play-Doh.

Katie is a competent horsewoman with huge breasts

Granny was hoping it would turn out like The Incredible Journey but it ended up being more like Deliverance.

I am torn between these two lovely cars

Trying using nursery rhymes to make big decisions.

By the time he hits puberty he'll be armpit-farting the theme tune to Eastenders

Boys are really good at some stuff that girls are rubbish at, like precision weeing.

How can I sound convincingly sorry?

Try to imagine Harry Styles being killed by firing squad.