Agony Aunt

Does evil lurk 'down there'?

Woman get better with age, like the Millenium Falcon.

Husbands are the grown-up equivalent of boy bands

They are intensely appealing for about six months at most.

I appeared to be sobbing like a Jessie over Thatcher

One of my onions was caught between two chairs.

I went to a Thatcher death party and now I feel bad

Maggie would have made a marvellous headmistress due to her satanic demeanour.

Who put that flabby twat George Osborne in charge of the UK's finances?

Mummy and daddy recently stopped my pocket money.

Don't take parenting tips from Paltrow

Picture a life without fun size Mars Bars, and you're faced with a black, black existence.

Will Deborah Meaden put me off my stride?

There was a loud popping sound and then all the children in the front row scattered.

I've been inspired by the Pope to tell my boss to get f*cked

If the big man can’t be bothered, why should any of the rest of us?

I'm dancing frantically and trying to get off with the dog

Drunk mummies don't make you do your homework.

Haggis is chicken vulvas wrapped in a cow’s scrotum

Robert the Burns liked to write poems about his dinner, which is a bit weird.