Agony Aunt

Ask Holly: May needs to stay on top of her ironing pile
MY granny also thinks Daniel O'Donnell is sexy so she is clearly off her head.

Ask Holly: Love Actually represents everything wrong with popular culture
MY teacher, Edwina Pringle, probably has Love Actually in her top three films.

Ask Holly: Everyone laughs and calls me 'Spreadsheet Phil'
NEWSFLASH: Maths is for losers.

Dear Holly: 'Why does no-one realise the nightmare it is to be me?' yours, Piers Morgan
"It's becoming more and more of a struggle to look at my own big smug face staring back at me."

'Dear Holly: How can I convince Big Theresa to give me my referendum fix?' Nicola, Edinburgh
"I just want the one, just one teeny tiny little referendum and then I swear I'll be off them for good."

Ask Holly: I made our perfect family look bad
MY WIFE is a miserable cow.

Ask Holly: Sometimes I amaze myself, so why does my wife despise me?
IF I was in charge of America I would make it compulsory for everyone to get free pick 'n' mix for life.

Ask Holly: Looking like a badger entangled in a Laura Ashley sale rail doesn’t mean I’m not a leader
JUST because I slightly resemble Uncle Bulgaria doesn’t mean I’m a complete womble.

Ask Holly: An army of sparrows is plotting to overthrow the government
YOU'RE all worried about Trump and Brexit when the real threat is known only to us birdwatchers.

Ask Holly: How can I make myself stop crying?
KIDS are used to being told to sod off.

Ask Holly: What's the best way of taking off leather trousers?
I'VE NO idea about leather trousers but in our school nativity I'm sheep number seven.

Ask Holly: Whenever I try to say 'bridge' it comes out as 'buh-reeeeege'
THERE is no affliction which can't be cured with a Hatchimal for Christmas.