Agony Aunt

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
There's a woman who sits opposite me at work who every year insists on festooning her desk with an array of cheap, gaudy Christmas shit and gabbers inanely about how she did all her Christmas shopping online in January...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My husband has really gone and upset the apple cart this year, by suggesting that we have roast beef for Christmas dinner, rather than a turkey. I'm not sure what has prompted this sudden reckless outburst. Perhaps he's on the crack again...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
It's coming up to the annual festive charity bake-off at my church, and, as usual, the competition is incredibly tough. Thankfully, this year the three-times champion, Judy Butters is laid up in bed with burst piles, and so I finally have a chance to grab the top spot with my choco-banana muffins.

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I think maybe my wife is keeping something from me because she's been acting really weird of late. She's started spending all her free time with a close female friend, even staying over some nights.

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
The other day, I was in a nightclub, pulling my usual snake-like moves on the dance floor, when I spotted a pair of girls eyeing me up from the bar...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
There's a young girl who's just started work in my office who has piqued my interest with her rather spectacular bosoms. I've tried several strategies to break the ice with her, such as sitting on the corner of her desk with my legs spread...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My girlfriend and I have enjoyed a healthy, active sex life for several months now, but I am still feeling somewhat unsatisfied in the bedroom because we haven't yet fulfilled my ultimate fantasy. Essentially, I would like to dress up as David Cameron...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
This weekend, my boss is putting on the annual Halloween party in the office, which is usually a cause for excitement, as I love to get dressed up as something slutty and inappropriate, like a whorish Little Bo Peep or a sexy black cat with a tail and massive tits...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I require your help with a rather sensitive issue, regarding the size of my wife's backside. When we were married, many moons ago, it was neat and pert like a ripe peach...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Until recently, my husband and I had a peaceful and happy existence in a quiet corner of upmarket suburbia, but ever since our new neighbours moved in we've had nothing but bother. We merely raised our eyebrows when we discovered they were cohabiting out of wedlock and that she was 'with child'...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Having been happily married for over a year now, myself and my husband were considering having a baby. That is, until the shocking news that child benefit is to stop for those on the highest tax brackets...

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I've been going out with a lovely man for a few months, and it feels like it could be the start of something beautiful. The only problem is that no-one in my family seems to like him - in fact they regularly tell me he's bad news and that I should get rid of him as soon as possible. It could have something to do with the fact that he is a member of the BNP...