Agony Aunt

Ask Holly: I just want to play with my train set

I PREFER to extract myself from the twee middle-class world that CBeebies inhabits.

Ask Holly: Will my souffle remark trigger a Mumsnet vendetta?

WHOEVER invented a way for mums to do their gossiping on the internet is on a par with the person who invented the atomic bomb.

Ask Holly: My husband watches Peppa Pig in the dark

"He also comes home in the middle of the night stinking of Frazzles."

Ask Holly: Do you think 'Yeezy III' is a good title?

TWO men approached me in the street and showed me a fine fabric which they said was so beautiful that stupid people can't see it.

Ask Holly: My once promising career has come to nothing

Did you know that children's' TV used to only be on for a couple of hours a day? What the hell did everyone do for the other 22 hours?

Dear Holly: Do you think I've got that Lyme disease or something?

"After about nine months there is an intense searing pain in my crotch and, weirdly, I hear a baby crying."

Dear Holly: "I've basically been fannying about"

I'm in the shit. I need an excuse, and quick, can you help? Yours, Sir John Chilcot

Ask Holly: I have a recurring dream about Mary Berry

IT always begins with me slowly entering the Bake Off tent in the middle of the night.

Ask Holly: Labour is like a toddler blindfolded and covered in jam about to cross the M25

WE learned all about sugar and diet in school and how anything that tastes remotely nice is EVIL.

Ask Holly: Keith Richards has been slagging us off

EVERYONE in the sixties was a heavy minger.

Ask Holly: Can I ever escape from the fakery of 1D?

AS president of the unofficial Taylor Swift fan club, I have taken an official oath to always despise One Direction.

Ask Holly: If I lose the leadership race I might become a Victoria's Secret model

THEY hate me because I win all the awards for being a mad mental left winger.