Agony Aunt

Ask Holly: Why am I poorer than Michael Flatley?

THE optimum amount of money that a human being can possess is £2.43.

Ask Holly: Would Samuel Pepys have taken a belfie?

MY teacher says we're self-obsessed little cretins.

Ask Holly: Should I reveal that David does terrible farts in bed?

DAVID'S sex face reminds me of Mr Soft from those old Soft Mint adverts.

Ask Holly: I thought I might sing a song at this debate

IF I was prime minister I would ban all mention of politics.

Ask Holly: Do normal 22-year-olds just eat Pot Noodles and catch chlamydia?

YOU need to spend some time with an old person like my granny.

Ask Holly: 'I had to kick the cat to make myself feel better'

I've never met a maths teacher who didn't have some form of personality disorder.

Ask Holly: All I want in life is a fast car and a juicy steak, should I run for PM?

IF an adult punches someone, all the other adults sign a petition to make him King of England.

Ask Holly: I'm worried about flirty emails to David Miliband

IT'S hard to believe that people were ever able to function without emojis.