Should I scissor-kick my brother-in-law in the face?

Dear Holly,

My brother-in-law and I haven’t been getting on lately. I’ve been trying to avoid it, but I fear he’s something of a big-headed braggart, obsessed with material wealth and with unhealthy attitudes towards women and authority. Should I sit down and talk to him calmly about it or should I just cut to the chase and scissor-kick him in the face?

Solange Knowles
New Orleans 

holly2111111Dear Solange,

It sounds like you have anger management issues and might benefit from spending time in Mrs O’Reilly’s sunshine sessions. Whether you have ADHD, are located somewhere on the autism spectrum, or have simply consumed too many Fruit Shoots, if you’re caught kicking off then it’s the muted colours of the Sunshine room and Enya on a constant loop. Eventually the red mist will clear and you’ll be able to harmlessly express your anger through the medium of Play-Doh. By the time you’ve finished the dolphin jigsaw puzzle you’ll feel calm and collected enough to go about your business in a non-violent manner. Just don’t set yourself off again by agreeing to play a round of Buckaroo.

Hope that helps!