Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My current partner thinks it’s acceptable to go to the supermarket on a Sunday morning wearing a fur coat, leopardskin bra, split-crotch panties and a pink lycra boob tube. I wouldn’t mind so much but pink does nothing for him. Plus he never remembers to get bin bags. How can I persuade him that less is more?

Dear Rachel,
If you ask my mummy, she’ll tell you to put the blame on all those pop-sluts like Rhianna and Lady Gaga who boggle about in their vest and pants like nothing more than common prostitutes, giving easily-influenced young girls like me all the wrong messages. Apparently, when mummy was young, women had intelligent, strong female role models to look up to, like Germaine Greer, Mother Theresa and Myra Hindley: women who were more substance than style, and who favoured the twin set and pearls over hot pants. But nowadays, ladies don’t care about perfecting their grammar and aspiring to positions of power in society: they just want to wear red lipstick and flash their bum cheeks at men. Who wants to study politics and international law at university when you can pursue a singing career, binge drink at weekends and expose your rude bits in cheap slagrags from Primark? If you want to stop your partner following this modern trend, I’d confiscate his Closer magazines, switch off MTV and lock him in a cupboard.
Hope that helps!