Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) That dramatic music in your head, between buying a can of beer and opening it? That's not a good sign.
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) After watching BBC News 24 for three days straight you concede they're not going to report on that weird pork scratching you sent them.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Tomorrow, you borrow the Pitbull album out of the library. Just to stop anyone else doing it.
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) Tomorrow, somebody in the bus queue will call you an egomaniac. They won't mention your name but it will be obvious they were talking about you.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) If family values are the glue that holds society together, resentful drunken get-togethers are the Swarfega that dissolves it again.
You don't want to be strangled to death by your big sister for cutting out some pretty shapes from her One Direction tickets.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You've been a waiter for ten years now but still no sign of all those good things.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) The apocalypse doesn't sound so scary when you consider it only has four horsepower.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) They say owners start to look like their dog and that's true in your case as it died two years ago.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You like Willem Dafoe. He's brillent.
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) In your local hipster coffee shop 'skinny white' is the most popular coffee order and a description of the staff.