Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Guinness loses interest in your claim that you can hold your breath for twenty minutes when you explain that’s not all in one go.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) That Mars advert where the bloke goes in goal is so unrealistic - Scott Parker in an England shirt?

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! Then second left, follow the ring road, you can't miss it.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You’re still convinced that Carly Simon is somebody called Simon who looks a lot like somebody called Carl.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) SHABBA!

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Ancient Sumerian. There’s no need for that kind of language.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love. And crack.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me squint and have really aged my face.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) Scooby Doo or Scooby Doo Not. There is no Scooby Try.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) It’s not a Retro Pop Up Street Food Experience, it’s a hot dog van.

Your astrological week ahead with Psychic Bob
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) With high levels of homelessness amongst ex-servicemen, you’re relieved that Prince William has managed to find some digs.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) If all else fails, it will be exactly like the rest of your crappy life.