Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Guinness loses interest in your claim that you can hold your breath for twenty minutes when you explain that’s not all in one go.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) That Mars advert where the bloke goes in goal is so unrealistic - Scott Parker in an England shirt?

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! Then second left, follow the ring road, you can't miss it.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You’re still convinced that Carly Simon is somebody called Simon who looks a lot like somebody called Carl.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Ancient Sumerian. There’s no need for that kind of language.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love. And crack.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me squint and have really aged my face.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) Scooby Doo or Scooby Doo Not. There is no Scooby Try.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) It’s not a Retro Pop Up Street Food Experience, it’s a hot dog van.

Your astrological week ahead with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) With high levels of homelessness amongst ex-servicemen, you’re relieved that Prince William has managed to find some digs.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) If all else fails, it will be exactly like the rest of your crappy life.