Features

A guide to picking up free shit that people leave outside their houses

Are you just dragging bed bugs and weird old shit into your home? Here’s our guide to doing it right.

Morrissey: I have become your dad

The signs were always there, let’s face it.

A four-point guide to small talk

The Mash guide to small talk will make it seem like you have rudimentary social skills.

Are you British or have you and your family just lived and worked here since 1948?

IN the busy, modern world it can be hard to tell if you and your family have just lived, worked and paid tax here since the end of World War Two. Take our quick test to find out if we should illegally deport you or not...

Shit be goin' down in Nantwich too

NANTWICH may look like a sleepy Cheshire market town, but there is mad gangsta shit going down all the time.

Experts identify three new types of racist

RESEARCHERS have discovered three new species of racist, it has been confirmed.

Amber Rudd's guide to banning things that should clearly be illegal anyway

I HAVE just taken the bold step of banning knives in colleges, but my clampdown on obviously bad things does not stop there.

Are you going to lose your umbrella this week?

YOU are, but you might as well take our test to prove it.