Features

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, am I a twat? by Johnny Depp

DEAR mirror, I have gazed into you for 11 hours a day over several decades and now I need to ask you something.

Are you confident or just a cock?

ARE you comfortable in your own skin, or just an obnoxious bastard? Take our test to find out.

Ask a Brexit doctor: Liam Fox answers your health questions

BELIEVE it or not, I am a real doctor and when I’m not negotiating superb trade deals I like to keep my hand in. Here I reply to your health queries.

Are you meant to be together, or have you just signed a two-year lease on a flat?

ARE you and partner destined to be together or have you just signed a legally-binding rent contract? Take our test to find out.

I know buying clothes online is insane but I'm going to keep doing it anyway

I started buying clothes from the internet some time around 2005.

7 deeply irrational ways to celebrate the royal birth

A POSH woman you don’t know has had a baby. Amazing. But are you unsure how to celebrate because it would be insane? Here are some suggestions:

Are you fretting enough about your children in a ridiculous middle-class way?

ARE you unable to sleep for worrying that your four-year-old might not get into the LSE? You may be suffering from middle-class fretting. Take our quiz and find out.

A guide to picking up free shit that people leave outside their houses

Are you just dragging bed bugs and weird old shit into your home? Here’s our guide to doing it right.

Morrissey: I have become your dad

The signs were always there, let’s face it.

A four-point guide to small talk

The Mash guide to small talk will make it seem like you have rudimentary social skills.

Are you British or have you and your family just lived and worked here since 1948?

IN the busy, modern world it can be hard to tell if you and your family have just lived, worked and paid tax here since the end of World War Two. Take our quick test to find out if we should illegally deport you or not...

Shit be goin' down in Nantwich too

NANTWICH may look like a sleepy Cheshire market town, but there is mad gangsta shit going down all the time.