Features

Is reality just an illusion? Take our quick test to find out

IS THE universe actually just a sophisticated hologram controlled by aliens? Find out with this quick quiz.

The patronising bastard's guide to not being poor

NOT being poor is easy if you follow the advice of twats who read the Daily ExpressHere’s how to lift yourself out of poverty by not being feckless scum.

Why I wish I'd invented Friends Reunited instead

HELPING people have pathetic affairs with old school friends would have been a lot less hassle than undermining Western democracy.

The Mash guide to leaving Facebook 

LEAVING Facebook is harder than putting down the family dog for incontinence.

I strongly deny any allegations by porn stars, models, or attractive raccoons called Karen

CLAIMS made against me by various women or a raccoon with amazing eyes are entirely untrue.

Are you about to be dumped?

IS YOUR partner about to dump you and ruin your life? Take our fun test and find out.

Your guide to doing f**k all this weekend

IT’S the weekend and annoying bastards want you to go outside and do stuff. Here’s how to avoid them.

How to have ideologically-sound fun at Labour’s new music festival

WITH acts like John McDonnell and probably also Chumbawamba, Labour Live looks set to become a major music festival. Here’s our handy survival guide.