Features

How to be a mouthy yob who hangs around Parliament trying to intimidate people

'Nazi' is always a good thing to shout – especially if you yourself are on the far right. It really will prove that you are much cleverer than everyone thinks.

The Victorian urchin's guide to getting through a harsh winter without the NHS

The NHS is so shafted that you can’t rely on it to save you from a cruel winter. Here’s how to survive as if you were one of Fagin’s pickpockets, but much less cheerful.

Will this be the year you achieve even one of your ultimately pointless goals?

IT’S 2019, and you’ve written all the things you hope to achieve in a pathetic Moleskine notebook you bought yourself. But will you achieve even one of them? Find out: 

Did you get through the weekend without drinking? No - or No, but for really solid reasons?

DID you get drunk at the weekend, or did you get drunk but the reasons why are excellent?

The most influential bellends of 2018

HERE'S the rundown of 2018’s prize bellends - plus a few that may surprise you.

Five vindictive things about Meghan Markle we just made up

MEGHAN Markle is a hateful, conniving individual, if you just make shit up. Here’s some wild speculation about the - probably - horrible cow.

Jamie Oliver's guide to the perfect sanctimonious Christmas

Christmas is a time of year for maximum smugness. It's all about being with the family and making them feel like shit about their choices.

Jeremy Corbyn's guide to a progressive socialist Christmas

WITH shopping to do and parties to go to, it’s easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas - international socialism. Here’s how to have a left-wing festive season.