What to think about on the bog when you forget to take your phone with you

Have you been left alone with your thoughts when you would normally be playing Flappy Bird? Here’s what you should think about to fill those long, lonely minutes.

10 great English proverbs that are obviously bollocks

All’s fair in love and war Not if you come home to find your partner ensconced in a vigorous ’69’ with someone you regarded as a chum.

Top five scarves to make you look like a twat

ALL scarves look stupid, but if you want really want to look like a huge twat you must choose carefully.

The older person's guide to ruining social media

ARE you old? Do you want to embarrass and annoy younger family members? Here’s how to use social media platforms to do just that.

Are you quirky or just annoying?

ARE special and eccentric or just an annoying idiot? Take our test to find out.

Five idiotic Irish border solutions Brexiters will love

ARE you a Brexiter with no grasp on reality? Here are some solutions to the Irish border problem you’ll consider perfectly sensible.

The reactionary bastard's guide to watching TV

ARE you a bigoted TV viewer outraged by the slightest hint of multiculturalism? Follow our guide to watching television without losing your shit.

Can you squeeze in a pint tonight?

CAN you just nip to the pub for a cheeky one after work, or will you get in trouble? Take our test to find out.