Heatwave advice for people who lack even the most basic common sense

HOT weather can be dangerous if you do not understand anything.

God help me, now I'm writing a nostalgic article about f**king video shops

WHETHER it's Woolworths, CDs or Neapolitan ice-cream, every journalist of a certain age is used to knocking out articles about how we’ll miss that thing that’s gone after nobody used it. 

Have you got hay fever or are you just a miserable bastard?

ARE you constantly complaining? Take our test to find out if you have hay fever or are just a miserable sod.

How are you pretending to be busy at work?

WHAT devious techniques are you using to look as if you’re working when you’re not? Read our guide - and maybe even learn some new ways to skive!

Can you tell which film your mum is trying to describe?

MUMS often recommend films but without being able to remember any key details. Can you decipher these mum film descriptions?

Are you shit enough to be in May's cabinet?

HAVE you got what it takes to keep fucking things up like a senior Tory minister? Take our test and find out!

Are you poor or do you just have kids?

STRUGGLING to make ends meet? You could be trapped by low wages, high rent and economic uncertainty, or you might just have kids.

I don't know how I did it either, by Gareth Southgate

TO BE honest, I'm just as confused as everyone else.