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Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Your ability to remain positive in the face of adversity and always express yourself with enthusiasm has never been more annoying. I may have to kill you.

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Mars, the planet of tangled wiring, meets Pluto the planet of multi-speaker home cinema system installation and badly translated Japanese instruction manuals. You are fucked.

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Mercury moves into the house of repressed memories, so now is a good time to ask your parents why Uncle Frank is never invited to family gatherings

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
A stare lingers too long, someone goes out of their way to walk by your desk, a red dot travels up your body to the centre of your forehead and then suddenly everything goes dark.

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
The entrance of Saturn into Uranus this week is a great big open goal that's just begging for a cock joke. But you know what? I'm better than that.

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Jupiter has moved into a more benevolent position, restoring circulation to your left leg and increasing that pleasurable sensation in your lower parts.

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
You are feeling a surge of excitement about your career, and plenty of hope for the coming year. Ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha.

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
The confluence of Mars and Jupiter suggests you are thinking about recording your own version of Hallelujah. Don't.