Features

Five ways you can be an twat when someone else is talking

WHETHER someone is hosting a meeting or telling a story, they are taking precious attention away from you. Here are five handy ways you can get the focus back on yourself by being an absolute shit.

What the f**k did you eat last night? Take our test to find out

SERIOUSLY, what the fuck did you eat last night?

Which zoo animals are the easiest to steal?

WITH school summer holidays under way, now is a great time to visit the zoo and perhaps steal one of the animals.

Is your child enough of a little shit for primary school?

AFTER government warnings about children being unprepared for primary school, how can you ensure your kids have the right ‘little bastard’ skills? Read our guide.

George R R Martin's guide to procrastination

ALTHOUGH I am good at writing fantasy books, I am even better at avoiding writing fantasy books.

Heatwave advice for people who lack even the most basic common sense

HOT weather can be dangerous if you do not understand anything.

God help me, now I'm writing a nostalgic article about f**king video shops

WHETHER it's Woolworths, CDs or Neapolitan ice-cream, every journalist of a certain age is used to knocking out articles about how we’ll miss that thing that’s gone after nobody used it. 

Have you got hay fever or are you just a miserable bastard?

ARE you constantly complaining? Take our test to find out if you have hay fever or are just a miserable sod.