DOCTOR Who assistants Amy and Rory Pond are to die after being left locked in a poorly-ventilated Tardis.
"It's so scary you're going to literally poo yourself," says horror master Stephen King.
Britain's badgers have told the Department of Agriculture that they'd better come tooled up.
Superfast mobile technology will be 'proper job', say council chiefs.
"It made me into a supercharged fanny magnet," says shocked political journalist.
Collision with giant black cloth ends 35-year space mission.
Hunt inexplicably chosen for job by person who had other options.
Experts predict Britain's ageing hipsters will become inappropriately tattooed grandparents.
UK workers finding their commute is quicker and pleasanter if they go via mainland Europe.
New initiative will challenge the perception of gym types as vain, tedious misfits, says spokesman.
Ambiguous phrase perfectly describes medals success, say jubilant supporters.
The shiny-pated actor/PE teacher instilled terror of failure into young Jessica Ennis.