Arts & Entertainment

Woman who hasn’t seen Stranger Things successfully bluffing with 80s references

A WOMAN drawn into conversation about Stranger Things has fooled everyone into believing she has seen it by making a series of vague 1980s references.

Man furious about Cambridge literature syllabus has only read Dune

A MAN totally opposed to attempts to make Cambridge’s literature teaching more diverse has only ever read the sci-fi epic Dune.

Dad hoping someone saw him buy Stormzy CD

FATHER Bill McKay bought Stormzy's album in HMV and is really hoping someone saw him do it.

Woman who absolutely hates Walking Dead very excited that it's back on

A WOMAN who cannot stand zombie television series The Walking Dead is very excited that it’s back on television.

Public school twat making crap gangster film

A FORMER public schoolboy is making a terrible East End gangster movie, he has announced.

Show really gets going in season two, says friend who assumes you’re fine to sit through ten hours of shit

A TV show is worth persevering with because it improves after just ten hours, according to a friend who assumes you have nothing better to do.

Nightclubs to trial 'old bastards' nights

NIGHTCLUBS across Britain are to trial ‘old bastards' nights where the music won't be quite as loud and everyone can leave by half one without being made to feel bad about it.

Insanity is ‘refreshing Netflix again and again and expecting different results’, said Einstein

REPEATEDLY refreshing Netflix and expecting new and different content to appear is the definition of insanity, according to a newly discovered Einstein quote.

Morrissey was never in The Smiths, say fans

HISTORICAL revisionist Smiths fans have proved that Morrissey, long thought to be the singer and lyricist, was never actually in the band at all.

How to talk about Blade Runner 2049 without actually watching it

Just follow these simple tips to steer Blade Runner chat in the right direction.

F**ked-up space penguin to be best thing about new Star Wars

THAT weird half-penguin half-guinea pig thing in the new Star Wars movie will turn out to be easily the best bit, insiders have claimed.

Dan Brown: Why my incredible secrets must never be shared with the metropolitan elite

I choose to publish these amazing secrets in mass-market thrillers with gold letters on the cover for one reason: to ensure that they never fall into the hands of anyone but the functionally literate.