Arts & Entertainment

Bono Defends Poor While Bathing At £3000 A Night Hotel

SPEAKING from the sunken bath of his four room suite in Cannes, U2 frontman Bono has condemned the West for failing to eradicate Third World poverty.

Moss Sells Rubbish To Punters

KATE Moss last night declared her garage sale a roaring success after thousands of punters flocked to buy the model’s unwanted clothes and bric-a-brac. 

Record Companies Call For Ban On Whistling

THE world's leading record companies have joined forces to call for a ban on whistling, claiming it is an infringement of copyright. 

Halfwits To Be Banned From Using The Phone

HALFWITS, cretins and morons are to be denied access to the telephone system as part of a government crackdown on TV quizzes.

GMTV Viewers Lose Billions Of Braincells

BREAKFAST television viewers have unwittingly lost billions of brain cells in the last four years by watching early morning shows, a Daily Mash investigation can reveal. 

New Radio Station Will Be Non-Stop Drivel Promises BBC

THE BBC is to launch a new 24-hour radio station given over entirely to phone-ins from punters, promising round the clock burbling inanities and factual inaccuracy.

Klan TV Launched As Racist Television War Hots Up

WITH one-in-three television programmes now classed as overtly racist, a new channel is being launched to cater for a growing market of bigoted lunatics.

Heather Mills Mccartney Calls Press Conference To Announce She Is Not A Publicity Seeker

HEATHER Mills McCartney, estranged wife of little known songwriter Sir Paul McCartney, yesterday summoned the world’s media to a major press conference where she demanded they ignore her completely.

BBC Launches New Series Of 'Locked In A Portacabin With 14 Annoying Bastards'

THE BBC has launched its latest salvo in the ratings war with a reality TV show based on the incitement of unbridled hatred.