Arts & Entertainment

45-year-old man finally accepts that some people like rap music

A MIDDLE-AGED music fan who insisted that anyone claiming to enjoy rap music is lying has finally accepted some of them must be genuine.

Everyone agrees to pretend dubstep didn't happen

DUBSTEP – the music that sounds like a fat horse falling down a well – never occurred, everyone has agreed.

Men claiming to have attended disastrous music festivals to impress girls

THE best way to impress girls is to claim to have survived one of Britain’s many completely disastrous music festivals, men believe.

Scottish Conservatives announce Tory T in the Park

THE Scottish Conservative Party has announced that they will hold a Tory T In The Park to rival Tory Glastonbury.

Paul McCartney unable to end live version of Hey Jude

FEARS are growing for Paul McCartney who is now 16 hours into an acoustic version of Hey Jude and appears unable to prevent another chorus.

George R R Martin hoping hackers can tell him what happens in Game of Thrones

GEORGE R R Martin is hoping hackers who stole Game of Thrones scripts can tell him how it all ends.

Edinburgh Fringe theatre group shocks with swearword in title of play

A NEW theatre company has shocked everyone at the Edinburgh Fringe by having a swear word in the title of its new show.

Open-air Shakespeare much easier to just f**k off from

OPEN-AIR productions of Shakespeare are much easier to sneak away from when you get bored, is has been confirmed.

Chris Evans loses the 500,000 people who actually listened to his show

THE audience for Chris Evans’ Radio 2 breakfast show has fallen by the exact number of people who paid to attention to it, it has emerged.

I despise cooking and all who attempt it, reveals Mary Berry

MARY Berry has launched her new show Britain’s Best Cooks by admitting she despises cooking and loathes anyone who even attempts it.

Britain remains hopelessly divided over Tiswas and Swap Shop

THE middle-aged are still, 35 years after both programmes concluded, divided into opposing camps of kids who watched Tiswas and kids who watched Multi-Coloured Swap Shop.

Banksy voted the worst chocolate box bullshit

AN ARTWORK by Banksy has been voted the worst kind of bullshit that your middle-class auntie has on coasters.