Arts & Entertainment

Sean Paul will feature on your songs, musicians warned

MUSICAL artists across the world have been notified that none of them are safe from an unplanned Sean Paul feature.

Next Doctor Who should be a Dalek, say Daleks

DALEKS have demanded that the next Doctor Who should be a Dalek.

New Han Solo film to focus on smuggling fags

THE young Han Solo mainly smuggled fags in his ‘space van’ and sold them in pubs, the latest Star Wars film will reveal.

Man with iconic film posters hasn't seen any of them

A MAN whose flat is full of posters for films like Casablanca and Apocalypse Now has no idea what any of them are actually about, it has emerged.

Piers Morgan favourite to win The Great British Twat Off

PIERS Morgan is currently the frontrunner in a new TV competition to find Britain’s biggest twat.

Resident Evil 7 set in Michael Gove’s house

THE new Resident Evil game is a nerve-jangling journey into the terrifying world of Michael Gove, it has emerged.

Dad disappointed he never got to be a heroin addict

THE release of T2 Trainspotting has left a middle-aged man feeling depressed that it is probably too late to become an Edinburgh heroin addict.

New Glastonbury to have turnip-growing contest and pig races

GLASTONBURY’S new festival the Variety Bazaar will feature large vegetables, a pig race with obstacles and Lady Gaga running a lucky dip.