Arts & Entertainment
SONGS aiming for the lucrative Radio 2 playlist have to be bland enough to offend no-one while remaining just about memorable. Here’s how to make your ditty dull enough to soar.
PRODUCERS of the James Bond franchise have confirmed that there will never be a ginger Bond for as long as they have any say in the matter.
A MAN who has grown to hate a TV show refuses to miss a single episode, it has emerged.
SANDI Toksvig has denied that her departure from The Great British Bake Off was anything to do with ‘that preening w*nkshaft Paul Hollywood’.
WHAT dreadful books lie in wait in children’s schoolbags this year?
A FESTIVAL to promote Brexit has been cancelled because it was an incredibly terrible idea on every level, the organisers have revealed.
THE Duchess of Sussex’s first financial venture will be a self-help book focused on co-existing with nightmare in-laws.
A MAN has confirmed that the book which changed his life forever is the user manual for his microwave oven.
YOUNG people have confirmed that Christmas telly is not a thing and they do not understand why their parents think it is.
ELF film and booze make everything nice, thinks tired Britain.
ROBBIE Williams wants your nan to give him £15 for an album he took no pleasure in making and she will get no pleasure from listening to.
THE Glastonbury Festival has confirmed its 2020 headliners are Taylor Swift and Leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg.