Arts & Entertainment

The BBC programmes Brexiters want to see

NEW BBC director general Tim Davie has promised to reflect the views of all audiences, including Brexiters. Leave voter Donna Sheridan runs down her dream line-up.

Benito Mussolini to appear on Live at the Apollo

ITALIAN dictator Benito Mussolini is to perform on the BBC comedy show Live at the Apollo in an effort to redress left-wing bias.

Music fans recreate Reading Festival by turning garden into pit of mud and piss

READING Festival regulars heartbroken at its cancellation are to recreate it at home by turning their gardens into pits of mud, urine and fighting bikers.

Five excellent films to ruin with a shit prequel

A MAD Max prequel is in the pipeline, which may ruin everyone’s memories of the earlier films by being shit. Here are some more classics to f**k up.

Man trying to get Rule Britannia to number one as if people still give a f**k about the charts

A MAN who is trying to upset woke liberals by getting Rule Britannia to the top of the charts has failed to realise no one gives a toss about them anymore.

Are you a Last Night of the Proms wanker?

ARE you livid that the Last Night of the Proms won't sing Land of Hope and Glory? Has an instrumental Rule Britannia driven you into a fervour of vengeful patriotism?

Covid-19 better party guest than man with ukulele

GUESTS at a garden party have confirmed they would rather have spent the evening in the presence of coronavirus than the man who turned up with a ukulele.

Seven classic movie lines f**ked up by coronavirus

THESE movie quotes used to be perfect in any situation. Now they’ve been so royally f**ked by coronavirus that they can never be used again.

We cannot return to Ed Sheeran post-coronavirus, warn experts

THERE can be no going back to the complacent pre-Covid culture that produced Ed Sheeran, experts have confirmed.

The Dungeons and Dragons player's guide to being a pussy magnet

IT’S well known that Dungeons and Dragons is incredibly attractive to women. Here tabletop gaming enthusiast Tom Booker explains the appeal and how to cope with all the sex.

Six songs to add to your Pissing Off The Whole Park playlist

CHILLING in the park? Brought your Bluetooth speaker? Keen for everyone and their dog to hear your latest music mix? These six classics will get on everyone’s tits.

I'm A Celebrity UK bushtucker trials to include signing up for Universal Credit

THE CHALLENGES set for celebrities in the UK-based of I'm A Celebrity will include surviving a night out in Cardiff and queuing for three hours for the tip.