Arts & Entertainment

Rowling To Write Eighth Harry Potter Book After All

JK ROWLING has revealed she is to write an eighth Harry Potter book after all, although the best selling author says she is through with “all that fantasy pish”.

Channel 4 To Show Queen Mother Eating A Gigantic Sausage

CHANNEL 4 is to follow up its controversial Diana documentary with footage of the Queen Mother eating an absolutely gigantic sausage.

Big Brother Unveils 'All Idiot' House

THE latest series of Big Brother kicked off last night with the unveiling of a house made up exclusively of idiots and half-wits.

Keith Richards Delighted To Discover He Is In 'Pirates Of The Caribbean'

ROLLING Stone Keith Richards last night said he was "amazed and delighted" to discover he was in the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie after attending its star-studded premiere in Hollywood. 

Big Brother House To Include Room Full Of Man-Eating Tigers

THIS year's Big Brother house is to include quirky new features including a toilet in the middle of the livingroom floor and a room full of tigers.

Bono Defends Poor While Bathing At £3000 A Night Hotel

SPEAKING from the sunken bath of his four room suite in Cannes, U2 frontman Bono has condemned the West for failing to eradicate Third World poverty.

Moss Sells Rubbish To Punters

KATE Moss last night declared her garage sale a roaring success after thousands of punters flocked to buy the model’s unwanted clothes and bric-a-brac. 

Record Companies Call For Ban On Whistling

THE world's leading record companies have joined forces to call for a ban on whistling, claiming it is an infringement of copyright. 

Halfwits To Be Banned From Using The Phone

HALFWITS, cretins and morons are to be denied access to the telephone system as part of a government crackdown on TV quizzes.

GMTV Viewers Lose Billions Of Braincells

BREAKFAST television viewers have unwittingly lost billions of brain cells in the last four years by watching early morning shows, a Daily Mash investigation can reveal. 

New Radio Station Will Be Non-Stop Drivel Promises BBC

THE BBC is to launch a new 24-hour radio station given over entirely to phone-ins from punters, promising round the clock burbling inanities and factual inaccuracy.