Arts & Entertainment

Booker Prize Goes To Thrilling Page-Turner About The Intangible Nature Of Loss

ANNE Enright has won Britain's most prestigious literary award for her latest rollercoaster thrill-ride of a novel about some Irish people having a big talk about this and that. 

'My Tate Crack Hell'

A TOURIST who spent 53 hours trapped inside the huge crack in the floor of the Tate Gallery has described the moment he knew he wanted to die.

Kids Demand TV Shows They Can Bore The Shit Out Of Each Other With In 30 Years Time

BRITISH children have stepped up their demands for television programmes they will be able to bore each other with at dinner parties.

All ITV Shows To Be Based On Google Search Terms

ALL future ITV shows are to be based on popular Google search terms following the huge success of last night’s new primetime drama Billie Piper Dressed as a Whore.

Hay Wain Arrested In Naked Horse Furore

CONSTABLE'S masterpiece The Hay Wain has been arrested in central London amid claims of nude horse exploitation.

BBC2 Unveils Plans For 'Nigella Lawson Eats A Banana'

TV food fans were celebrating last night after the BBC confirmed plans for a new series of Nigella Lawson Eats a Banana.

Sky Unveils Plans For 'Oil Relief' Day

SKY television is to devote an entire day of programming to the growing threats faced by the international oil industry.

RMT Using Tube Tunnels To Rehearse 'The Mikado'

LONDON tube drivers are using strike action as a cover so they can stage last-minute rehearsals of their new production of The Mikado.

Amy Winehouse A Honking Skank, Says Gran

AMY Winehouse fans should stop buying her records because she is a croaky voiced skank who sounds like a goose being forced arse first into a trombone, her grandmother said last night.

Big Brother Housemates Rise To Over 200

SIXTY-FIVE new housemates, including a platoon of Gurkhas, were introduced into Big Brother last night, swelling numbers in the show for its tense final week to over 200.

Poster Reveals Unremitting Shitness Of New Robin Williams Movie

JUST looking at the poster for License to Wed, a new comedy starring Robin Williams, reveals the film's catastrophic shitness, it was claimed last night.

Computer Game Fan No Time To Masturbate

TOP World of Warcraft player Jason Stibbles could be forced to give up masturbation altogether after the hugely popular online game unveiled its new expansion called Wrath of the Lich King.