Arts & Entertainment

Sky Unveils New Method For Mingling Sub-Standard Genetic Material

CILLA BLACK, the nation's matchmaker, is to return to our screens with a radical new format for the co-mingling of sub-standard genetic material. 

BBC News To Ban All Numbers Higher Than Nine

THE BBC is to ban the use of any number higher than nine from its television and radio news bulletins, the Corporation said last night. 

Everyone Pretending To Have Read The Gulag Archipelago

A RECORD number of people were last night claiming to have read The Gulag Archipelago by Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

BBC Licence Payers Fined £400,000

LICENCE fee payers have been fined a record £400,000 by Ofcom for allowing the BBC to con them with a series of fake phone-in competitions.

Countdown In Crisis: Numbers Round Outsourced To India

COUNTDOWN is to outsource its numbers round to India following major budget cuts by Channel Four.

Britain Willing BT Broadband Couple To Split

MILLIONS of viewers have contacted British Telecom urging them to end the pathetic relationship at the heart of their long-running series of TV adverts.

Yet Another Batman Film Without The Batusi

HOLLYWOOD'S A-list has gathered in New York for the premiere of the latest Batman film not to feature the Batusi.

Jeremy Kyle Rapped For Showing A Scotsman

THE Jeremy Kyle show has been censured by the television watchdog Ofcom for broadcasting a Scotsman during a daytime programme. 

Britain Absolutely Cannot Wait To See 'Mamma Mia'

BRITAIN was absolutely bursting with excitement last night at the prospect of going to see Mamma Mia this weekend.

Four Weddings Is Best British Film Ever, Say Arseholes

The Hugh Grant movie Four Weddings and a Funeral has been voted the best British film of all time by a bunch of arseholes.

Hollywood Actors Pretend To Go On Strike

HOLLYWOOD could grind to a halt this week after some of the world's biggest stars threatened to pretend to go on strike.

Big Brother Contestants To Get More Bananas And A Rope Swing

BIG Brother contestants are to be given more bananas and a tyre on a rope, Channel 4 said last night.