Arts & Entertainment

Fuck This, Says Attenborough

SIR David Attenborough said 'fuck this' last night after Strictly Come Dancing became the most popular television programme in the world.

Gary Glitter Songs To Be Electronically Tagged

ALL Gary Glitter songs are to be electronically tagged and made to sign the sex offenders' register.

Horror As BT Couple Re-Establish Contact

BRITAIN recoiled in horror last night as the BT broadband couple took their first tentative steps towards reconciliation.

BBC Unveils Lavish Adaptation Of The Taunting Of Andrew Sachs

THE BBC last night re-established its reputation for quality programming as it unveiled a lavish multi-million pound drama based on the taunting of Andrew Sachs.

BBC Slammed For Inter-Racial Pasa Doble

THE BBC is under fire for defiling the white race and encouraging intimacy with people of colour.

Artist Unveils Kate Moss Candle Holder

ARTIST Marc Quinn last night unveiled his latest work – a life-size Kate Moss candle holder made of solid gold.

Taggart Violence Probably Not Real, Says ITV

ITV has defended screening violent Scottish police drama Taggart during the afternoon insisting the gruesome scenes probably involved acting. 

Bond Film Breaks New Ground With Tits, Cars And Punching

RADICALLY different James Bond film Quantum of Solace is a fast-paced action thriller packed with tits, cars and punching, according to early reviews.